Sarah shares her story and experience at Eleusinia Retreat. She came looking for a possibility to get more in touch with her emotions and physical body. Sarah gained incredible insight as well as unexpected relief from trying DMT for migraine. Listen here or on Apple Podcasts.
Tawnya: [00:00:00] You have made it to The Psilocybin Podcast with Tales from Eleusinia, a unique science-based psilocybin retreat based out of Mexico that not only focuses on brain health and wellbeing, but actually specializes in pain management. I am your host, Tawnya, the medical director, come along as we break down the latest in psychedelic research news and the inner workings of this amazing experience.
This next episode is from a guest at Eleusinia named Sarah. Her experience encompasses the entirety of what it’s like to be a guest at Eleusinia. Sarah came to us, looking for a possibility to get more in touch with her body and emotions. But she found a surprising new tool to use for managing her chronic migraines [00:01:00] enjoy.
Sarah. Thank you so much for coming to the show. It is so amazing to see your beautiful face again. Can you tell us a little bit about who you are and the work that you do?
Sara: Hi, Tanya. It’s great to see you again too. I’m a professional. I work in the healthcare space, but mostly in security.
Tawnya: You recently came to Eleusinia. Can you take us back and give us an idea on what was your decision that made you decide that you wanted something like Eleusinia? How did you pick Eleusinia?
Sara: That was a journey. Um, I had never done psychedelics before, completely new to me, and it was something that I was almost a little scared of just because in college, you hear these horror stories, you never hear about the good stuff. It’s all about what could possibly happen to people. So, it wasn’t something that I’d really considered, but I had kind of reached a point with, you know, my personal journey in therapy, where I was somewhat plateauing.
I was starting to look at other options. I was [00:02:00] getting a lot of ads on Instagram for, you know, startups that were offering like ketamine assisted therapy and other psychedelic assisted therapy modalities.
And so that kind of got me going, you know, down the road of looking at my options in terms of what nonstandard or newer modes of therapy were coming out. As someone that works in risk management, I, you know, had to do my research. I had to make sure that everything was legit. And a lot of these startups that were doing, you know, ketamine assisted therapy or even local therapists that were offering that kind of stuff were, did not have a whole lot of research or just a lot of science to go into behind it.
It was just kinda one of those things that, you know, Hey, it works, just pay us money. We’ll send you what you need and you’re on your own journey. And so I didn’t really like the sound of that. And then I came across Eleusinia, what really appealed to me was that science background, the, you know, everything is based on fact and it’s not, it’s not like a primarily spiritual [00:03:00] experience. I was very interested in addressing some health issues that I had been facing my entire life, but also just kind of breaking through my plateau in therapy and kinda looking at things through a different lens.
So that’s what got me there.
Tawnya: So that plateau that you speak of, I think that that’s something that happens actually to a lot of people, but they don’t necessarily see it as a plateau. What did that look like for you?
Sara: I’ve been going to therapy for about six years now. And I have a great relationship with my therapist, but I think I was reaching a point where I was being told a lot of things and intellectually, I understood a lot of things, you know, the, the whole love yourself thing, the whole, everyone’s on their own journey and all of these things that I understood intellectually, but I had trouble believing.
For example, if you have poor self-esteem, someone gives you a compliment, you can accept it, but you don’t believe it. You’re just like, yeah, you’re just saying that cuz you’re being nice or whatever the case is, but it’s, it’s hard to truly believe and [00:04:00] internalize those things. And so I think that’s where my plateau was.
We were doing the same old talk therapy having, you know, having conversations, having great conversations about our lives, but it wasn’t. It didn’t feel different for me, it didn’t feel like I was making any progress. Even though intellectually, I could rationalize a lot of those things.
I could tell that, okay, I’m, I’m having these I’m, you know, doing these behaviors because of my history or I have these thoughts because of past traumas or whatever the case is, but it just didn’t feel true.
Tawnya: You came, primarily because of that plateau, but you said you also had some health concerns, so you were dealing with migraines and stuff like that as well, right?
Sara: Yeah. Yeah. So migraines have been a lifelong thing. They’re I guess they’re a part of my family, my mom and my sister get them as well. And so that’s been a thing pretty much since I hit 11 years old. I’ve had to deal with frequent migraines and then also other autoimmune conditions kinda, [00:05:00] you know, results of medication that I’ve been on for autoimmune conditions as a child.
So just a host of medical issues that I thought again, I just kind of want to understand why or how these are manifesting and what I can do to address them other than just relying on medication to keep them at bay. So that was another, another reason I looked for Eleusinia.
Tawnya: Were you worried about not having psychedelic experience? As, you know, a first timer?
Sara: A little bit you know, I think I, again, you hear so much in pop culture, you know, especially right now a lot, there’s a lot of recreational use of psychedelics and, and I didn’t really know what to expect. And so when I am confronted with the unknown, my way to cope with that is just to do as much research as I possibly can on it.
And so our, you know, our intake sessions with Jessica before we got there were very helpful just talking through the [00:06:00] experience, but also the science behind the experience. And she gave us a few recommendations on books to read. And that really, you know, I felt like I felt very prepared before I got to Eleusinia.
Just in terms of the reading that I’d done, the research. The reviews that I’d read, the podcasts that I’d listened to, you know, with, with you and some other kinda psychedelic podcasts as well. And so I felt prepared again, intellectually. But I was still quite anxious when I got there.
Tawnya: Do you wanna talk a little bit about how that unfolded, the arrival?
Tawnya: Kinda, you know, a nice segue into the journey.
Sara: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, so I had had a migraine kind of lurking and it might have been, you know, triggered by the anxiety. But I’d kind of had a migraine lurking in the background for a couple of days. And then when I got there, when I got to the Villa you know, we met, we got introduced to Josefina, and everyone on the team. We had our little [00:07:00] cleansing session with Josefina and she was instantly able to intuit that there was something, you know, that I was excited.
It was, it was either excitement or nervousness, but it was constrained by something. So, you know, that’s when I was like, yeah, well, I’ve had a migraine kind of in the background. And I feel like if I, if I let myself get too excited or anxious then that’s just gonna come bursting out. And so I have to kind of stay a little bit restrained.
And so that was, and you know, I don’t think of myself as a spiritual person, I’m very fact based, but when I had that little cleansing session with you as a really kind of set the tone for, you know, being open minded and being proven there is something here that’s real, whether you know, it’s science based or not.
She was able to understand kinda what I was feeling. And so that really set the stage for the rest of the experience. I instantly felt like I had a whole lot more trust in everyone [00:08:00] on the team, just by way of that.
Tawnya: Oh, that’s so amazing. Yeah. But you still had the headache, right?
Sara: I still had the headache, yeah. And I know that I talked to you, I was pretty much since I got there, I was like, can I get some Tylenol or some Advil or something to deal with this? I had taken my migraine medication, but it really, you know, and then as I had experienced in the past, it wasn’t really helping.
There’s kind of like a 50/50 chance that it’ll work or it won’t. I kinda have to just wait those things out. And especially with, you know, the heat and humidity in Mexico, I wasn’t used to that. So I was worried that it was gonna get worse. Luckily I was able to kind of push it down far enough during the trip.
But then, you know, it did, it did come out at certain times and thankfully everyone on the team had a lot of solutions that were. I was finally able to kind of knock it away for a little longer with some of those solutions that I don’t know if we’ll get into later on . But it definitely, definitely helped the migraines and I haven’t [00:09:00] had one since in the, you know, two, three weeks since I’ve been back. So.
Tawnya: Wow, amazing.
Sara: You take that as a win.
Tawnya: Yeah. So then you, so you got there, you kind of felt a little bit relieved and then you ended up going to bed. Did you sleep good that first night?
Sara: I slept pretty well, mostly because I was exhausted. But I did, I did sleep very well.
There was a little bit of that excitement of the unknown for the next day. You know, the day of our mega dose, there was that excitement, but I knew that I had to be well rested. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to let myself into that experience fully.
Tawnya: So how did it, it’s so funny that people call it the mega dose.
It’s like, we call it the macro dose for any listeners, but people just decide that it’s actually a mega dose. It’s just, just so funny.
So then there’s the morning. And then we had the first ceremony and it was, how did it go for your first time?
Sara: It was really good. I mean, I, it definitely felt [00:10:00] like, you know, the, this, the place was set up for us. And it, the kind of the lead in, into the actual ceremony of taking the, I don’t know what it was, but the, the paste of, I think it was the mushrooms and honey, or I don’t know what it was, but we kind of led into that with a lot of breathing exercises. And so by the time that came around, I felt pretty prepared.
I was like, okay, it’s happening. We’re here. We’re gonna, we’re gonna get through it. You know, I’m in good hands right now. I remember after taking that you know, we started doing a little bit of the walking meditation and people were starting to kinda wander off and explore and do their own thing.
And at that point, all I felt was just this anxiety inside me. And so I was like, alright, maybe it’s the heat, maybe I’ll go lie inside in the air conditioning with, you know, the VR headsets and that’ll help. But I think my first feeling was definitely that, of just this, like intense panic in my chest, you [00:11:00] know, like very indicative of a panic attack.
But with all of the breathing that Andrew had taught us, that I was able to kinda on the, that yeah, it kind of went away eventually. And I was able to let myself into the experience.
Tawnya: And what did that look like? Can you describe what letting yourself into the experience kind of felt like.
Sara: So, yeah, I feel, I mean, so, you know, I came into this with a lot of research, a lot of reading and unfortunately, a lot of expectations of what a trip is supposed to look like.
So, you know, there was a part of me that was kinda looking around at other people, having these visual, you know, hallucinations or, or you know, open or closed by hallucinations. And I was just like, all right, I’m not really seeing that. What’s wrong with me. You know, that was, that was the first thing my brain went to is like, why am I not.
Like let’s, let’s figure this out. This is a problem that needs to be dealt with . So you know, once, once I laid down on the couch, I was doing my deep breathing, kinda trying to look around and [00:12:00] see how things were looking to me rather than just closing my eyes and going within and just exacerbating that anxiety.
I remember kind of looking up at some of the shelves on the wall and I wasn’t seeing fractals or anything like that, but I was seeing just the difference in like the colors of the shadows from different objects on the wall.
You know, it was like suddenly, I’ve never been an artist, or that’s the message that I’ve told myself my entire life is I’m very kind of, you know, science, left brain I think it is. And so I was looking at just the shelves on the wall and I was like, OK, I, I understand how shadows and highlights and all of those things work. Like I, I understand how an artist looks at a still, you know, still life item or object or image, they can see how all of those shades and shadows and highlights and different colors can be put to paper.
And I finally kind of something just clicked for me there. It’s like, oh, I get [00:13:00] it now. And that was going to be the running theme for the rest of the day as well, where I wasn’t having like big revelations, but it was just these moments of, oh, I get it now. It makes sense. Now, like if you ask me what makes sense, I wouldn’t be able to tell you, but it just, it was like, oh, all of these people, you know, my entire life have been talking about X and Y or whatever it is, but whatever it is, I get it now. So that was, yeah.
Tawnya: So you really dropped into like that expanded awareness and perception and like, I mean, to a point where you could see things the way others have your whole life.
Sara: Yeah. Yeah. For me, you know, objects have always been very like 2D almost where it’s like, okay, this is, this is a lamp. This is a, you know, this is a mouse, this is a keyboard, whatever it is. But I was looking at objects and understanding how the light falls on them and how they cast shadows and how those change over time.
And it was[00:14:00] you know, not, I’m not gonna say it was a traditional psychedelic experience. But it was almost like pieces of the puzzle were just falling into place in my head where I was like, oh, okay, I get that. Now I get what you’re saying, or I understand what people are talking about. It makes sense to me now where, you know, before I could intellectually understand these things, but they didn’t feel true to me.
It’s like, okay, I’m saying I get it because that’s what I’m supposed to say, but it was just. Oh, a light, you know, a switch flipped in my brain. That was the calmer part of the experience. I think my experience definitely started with a very emotional catharsis as I was lying on that couch, kind of doing my deep breathing.
I remember, you know, Jay had come to do something else. I don’t know what he, if he was looking for something and I saw Jay and I was like, oh, you know, I would really love to talk to Jay right now. And so I asked him to come and sit with me and I, so a little bit of background on me is I grew up, you know, English is not my first language.[00:15:00]
I grew up speaking a different language at home, in my childhood, and pretty much all the way up to the age of 18, 19 English was what I spoke outside of home. But I spoke Hindi growing up. And so, you know, living in the US being in an environment where I don’t really have many people that speak the same language as me.
Being married to an American, I don’t get to speak that language with him. So I just had this intense urge to speak in that language and luck. You know, my first question to Jay, when he walked in was like, what languages do you speak? Because I was hoping that, you know, he would be like, I would just be able to kind of flip that switch and, and fall back into just the dynamic that I had with my family growing up and, and so that really unlocked something for me.
I don’t, it was just a change in language. That was able, I was able to just, you know, we started talking about like, okay, tell me a little bit more about your family. You know, what’s your history, what’s your experience been like? And then it just very [00:16:00] much became a conversation about our cultural, you know, cultural dynamics and family dynamics and the beliefs that were taught as children in our families.
And so it was this catharsis. I remember, I’ve always thought of myself as a very stoic person in the sense that I’m not emotional. I don’t, that has been a blocker in therapy is, you know, my therapist actually bet me once that she would, that I would cry eventually, and it took about six years to get there, but I did eventually do it. But you know, at that moment with, you know, sitting on the couch and talking to Jay, I was just breaking down.
It was kind of being able to speak in the language that I was speaking. When I grew up in this environment that was traumatic for me as a child and kinda understanding a lot of those dynamics, but being able to verbalize them in the language that they actually kinda happened in, or that made sense to me was very valuable.
I did not expect. [00:17:00] For that to happen at all, going into it. And that was definitely the very kind of emotional cathartic moment that I hadn’t expected. Cause I was like I’m for physical, you know, health issues. So, I didn’t kind of uncover anything that I didn’t already know, but just the effect of being able to speak about it in a language that was kind of native to me and unpack all of that with someone else.
You know, Jay kinda, I think comes from a very similar background to me and very similar, these cultural family dynamics and all of that. So being able to talk with someone that, you know, wasn’t a therapist wasn’t supposed to be completely just blank and, and be that person that, you know, you convey your issues to.
It was very much a back and forth, and it felt very healing for me. And as I said, it wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, but now I’m able to understand those feelings and kind [00:18:00] of reconcile with them and accept them a lot better than I was when just talking to my therapist about it.
Tawnya: Wow. That’s so amazing. Thank you so much for articulating that and that perspective and that unlocking in your, your unique language and being able to talk about family dynamics and, God, it just seemed like it, it just was all the right keys to unlock that perfectly.
Tawnya: Have you had a chance to meet with your therapist again afterwards. And was it exciting to you, to you all to kind of discuss what happened?
Sara: It was really exciting. You know, I think I remember pretty much the week after we got back, I was talking to my therapist. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and my therapist pretty much an hour apart.
So we were talking about this for a while. But it was really fascinating because I think I was able to convey the same feeling where it was like I knew a lot of things going in and I’m great at, you know, analyzing and intellectualizing everything, but having it feel true was new. [00:19:00] And I definitely remember tearing up and my therapist was like, told you I’d get you one day.
But it was, it was very much like I was able to kind of approach therapy with a fresh lens almost where I was like, okay, I know and I accept, and I understand these various things now, but how do I, what do I do with them going forward? It was kind of like an integration session almost where it’s like, okay, this, this is all the stuff that came for me during my trip, how do I take this and, you know, process it in a healthy way?
I definitely think it’s like, it’s been a cheat code for therapy too. In addition to the cheat code for meditation.
Tawnya: Wow, okay. I love how you said the phrase “Now having it feel true”. Things feel true. What else felt this feeling of trueness that you could finally embody for the first time.
Sara: Yeah. And give me a moment, I actually have notes cause I [00:20:00] took notes after my experience. So, I think there were multiple levels of it. There was, you know, I always, for example, I don’t think of myself as a judgemental person, but you know, everyone is a little bit, you know, you look at someone, you kind of have these ideas of who they’re going to be or what they’re going to be like.
And I think during my trip, I was able to look around and just understand that everyone truly is on their own journey and everything that we see is only a small portion of what’s going on in that person’s inner world. And so I think just that acceptance that comes with that is, knowing that, okay, everyone’s on their own journey.
I come from a background where I’ve been expected to be the caretaker. I’ve been parentified from a very young age. So my instinct, you know, when, when I left that room after my emotional session with Jay and went and laid by the pool, my instinct was looking at other people wanting to make sure they’re ok, wanting to check in with them, [00:21:00] but I was also able to understand that might not be what they want. It might help me feel better if I were to check in with them, but that might not necessarily help them feel better.
Because they’re, you know, they’re on their own journey. I don’t wanna interrupt that. And so just kinda knowing these things, you know, reading all of these things in self-help books is one thing, but then actually understanding and being able to internalize that is another, and that’s what I think the psilocybin helped me do.
Just feeling a lot more connected to people. I think the first day you, you had said that we’re, we’re all gonna be best friends by the end of this, this trip, if not just the second day. And it really did feel like that. I remember the first day I met a few people and I was like, okay, these they’re everyone’s super nice.
But you know, would I, would I be friends with them outside? Probably not. Cause you know, you have all of these judgements, like, OK, this person’s interested in this. I’m not interested in that. So we’re not gonna get along. And then it was very much like we don’t have to be a hundred percent compatible to get along with people.
And that was [00:22:00] also a lesson that I took with my marriage, you know? Because I came with my husband and there had been a lot of questions about, okay, you know, there’s these certain things that we have that are not compatible. And, and my instinct is to go, okay, well that means that this isn’t gonna work, you know, duck out as soon as possible.
I was able to understand that just because we don’t see eye to eye on every single thing or we don’t, you know, have the same interest doesn’t mean that we’re not meant to be together or to be, or, you know, with other people to be friends or to be connected in that way.
Tawnya: Did you feel that it was a tremendous benefit bringing your partner to the retreat or were there unexpected challenges along with that?
Sara: I think it was a benefit for me because I think recognizing that, you know, when I was on the, what was macro dose, you know, I, I remember like. Completely randomly just kind getting up and being like, where, where is he? Where is my husband? [00:23:00] It was kind of a grounding, you know, I realized that he does ground me and that’s not something that I had realized before I got there.
But I think at the same time, because we both are, you know, we’re caretakers at heart. We both have that tendency to put our own needs aside to see what other people might need. It’s very much like other people’s needs come first. I think that was the only challenge was having to, you know, feeling the need to go in and check in on him and see if he’s doing okay.
But then also recognizing that he’s on his own journey. So it was kinda this constant back and forth of, okay, I should go help him out. I should go check in on him, but no, he’s being taken care of. I don’t need to do that. I need to focus on myself, but then I should go check in on him. So I think that was the challenge that I had with him being there.
It was a great experience for us to be there. I’m very glad that he came with me. But it was also. I think that might have been a boundary that both of us needed to establish anyway, in our relationship [00:24:00] where it’s like, we need to kinda put ourselves first sometimes. So I think it might have been challenging, but something good did come outta it.
Tawnya: So I know that you learned lots of tools on how to move through your psychedelic experience. Have you implemented them? Were you able to implement them in your journey and then have you had journeys since you’ve been home where you have.
Sara: Yeah. So I think the tools that, you know, the breath work that Andrew taught us was definitely very helpful.
And you know, the term, I still love the term that you guys use to like, yeet yourself when, you know, things get a little too much or when you kind of get stuck in a rut, get up and change your surroundings. I think it was very difficult to do that myself, but, you know, luckily you guys were there to. I remember Jessica at one point coming and saying, OK, let’s go for a walk.
And it’s very subtle, but I think, you know, that was very valuable information. All of the stuff that you guys had given us to prepare ahead of time [00:25:00] really did come in useful. I think for me there were definitely times where I was enjoying myself, but at the same time, I was kind of, you know, like, I don’t want this to be over.
I remember at one point I have no idea what time it was. But it can’t have been very long after we got started, but I remember, I think Andrew had said something. I was like, oh no, is it time for dinner already? I’m not ready for this to be over. And then, you know, for, for a little while, I was just kinda lying on the on the lounger by the pool, thinking like I’m not ready for this to be over, but then kinda just the ruminating thoughts and, you know, it was at times challenging for me to kind of pull myself out of the internal chatter that my brain was doing and focus elsewhere.
But then, you know, someone would come along and break me out of it without me asking for it. It’s almost like you guys have done this before. But, you know, I remember Josefina came and was like just kinda stroking my hair and it was, it definitely did that yeet thing that, you know, it kind of changes your [00:26:00] mindset.
It kind of pulls you out of the spiral that your, your thoughts are stuck in and it just gives you something else to focus on. So a lot of that was very helpful.
Tawnya: Amazing. Oh, thank you so much. And then what about being home? Have you had another experience?
Sara: Yeah. So I’ve had smaller experiences. I’ve had, kind of, I have no idea what strain it was, so I don’t know if it was more potent or less potent than what we got, but I had another experience I think a few days ago actually on Saturday. I laid in the hammock for a little while, that was another thing I learned from you guys is the hammock is very nice.
And you know, just, I remember having this, the mental image that I had, again, I wasn’t seeing the visuals, but I had this mental image of just water flowing over a bunch of rocks. And, you know, I’d always thought of myself and I guess this is the processing that was happening while I was in the hammock is like, I’ve always thought of myself as one of the rocks, [00:27:00] but, why can’t I be the water?
You know, I can flow over the rocks. I can kind of touch them and, you know, change them in minute ways or not have an effect on them at all, but that’s not representative of me. That’s, you know, I’m not responsible for the rocks. I think that was kind of the takeaway that I had from that.
And then the rest of the evening, I pretty much just sat in VR and enjoyed some trippy visuals at. Brain needed some help producing .
Tawnya: I absolutely love your analogy of, you know, you always saw yourself as the rocks, but why can’t you be the water and then to deepen that even further and say I’m not even responsible for the rocks.
That’s huge. Yeah. And then the VR now, did you find that you loved VR in the psychedelic experience because the VR you experienced at the retreat?
Sara: So I don’t think that I ever actually did the VR at the retreat. I think I might have been a little distracted by other options, but I bought a VR [00:28:00] headset after a couple of our intake sessions just because Jessica had been mentioning them and I’m a gamer, so I’m, you know, big on VR anyway.
And so I did. I think having the knowledge of navigating the trip that I learned from you at the retreat was able to help me when I was doing it alone with the VR. Like, I kind of knew what I was doing, going into it. It was more intentional. It was like, okay, this is, you know, I’m still tripping right now, but I can kind of control the trip and take it where I want it to go rather than just let loose.
So that was very valuable knowledge as well.
Tawnya: Amazing. Amazing. And is there anything that we didn’t get to say that you also wanted to share about the previous experience or recent one?
Sara: Yeah. One of the big things, and I think this was one of, I guess I should have mentioned this earlier, but my big intention going into the retreat was to [00:29:00] be more connected with my body.
There was very much a, and I think that was kind of one of the reasons that I was plateauing with therapy. A lot of my medical issues were kind of rooted in that. If you’ve read The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk, that’s one of my Holy Grail books to explain the link between physiological issues and, you know, psychological trauma or background.
So one of my main goals was to get in touch with my body and I definitely felt that. When I was there you know, after my kind of emotional catharsis with Jay and, and going, you know, going by the pool, I was able to focus more on my physical self rather than just in my, you know, staying in my brain.
And I did notice that I had the tendency to just kind of hold myself tight. All of my muscles are constantly tense. And I was able to kind of just feel what it’s like to let that go. It’s almost like, you know, body scan meditations, or where they tell you to [00:30:00] kinda tense the muscles and then release them to truly feel what it’s like to be relaxed.
That’s almost how it felt, but over the course of the day rather than just, you know, 10 minutes or so. So, I definitely felt a lot less grossed out by myself. And I, you know, people have asked me what the biggest challenge of the retreat was and I would say honestly, like going to the bathroom was the biggest challenge, there was so many other things to do that I really didn’t want to. I almost had to force myself. I remember going into the restroom the first time and just standing in the entryway and being like, all right, do I go, do I have to go, do I need to go?
Do I really wanna go ? And then after that, I think that was kinda the breaking point where I was like, okay. And you know, I’m working to integrate this into my day to day life. But at that time I just was a lot less…. I wasn’t thinking of my body as a burden, as much as it just is.
It was kind of this radical acceptance of okay, whatever, it just [00:31:00] happens. It doesn’t have to be dealt with necessarily just accept it. So that really helped me just kind of feel a lot more physically relaxed, but also less kind of grossed out by my own body, which is really something that I had, you know, been experiencing my entire life.
And I really related to Andrew and his episode, you know, his podcast episode about the body dysmorphia. It was very much like I looked at my physical body as a burden or as a problem that needed to be fixed, whether it was too big or too, too short or too, you know, whatever. Too hairy too this, so it definitely helped me kinda just accept it as it is rather than think of it as a problem.
Sara: So yeah, you know, I, that was my main goal. And that related to my plateau and therapy, because, you know, if you’re, if you just kind of intellectualize everything, it’s very difficult to feel emotions. It’s very difficult to feel the way different things [00:32:00] work in your body.
And so that helped me kinda, you know, it’s a lot easier for me to cry now for, you know, whatever reason I’m still very wrapped up about it, but I don’t kind of fight my body. If I’m feeling like, okay, I need that kinda release right now, I let it happen rather than trying to hold myself together constantly like I was.
Tawnya: And you were also, if I remember correctly, you were feeling like that some of these health conditions that you were dealing with were also maybe an echo of some difficulty of body awareness too, but maybe that was an inspired thought from the book you had read.
Yeah, possibly. And, and a lot of my, so my autoimmune condition is triggered by stress, which, you know, I think a lot of autoimmune conditions are. And so learning to manage that has been important. And being able, and even with the migraines, like they’ll usually start with neck pain and then radiate upwards.
But if I’m able to notice the neck pain or [00:33:00] notice, you know, that something. Hurts before it gets to a point where I’m blinded by the pain. I can address it a lot quicker and prevent it from getting to a level where it is debilitating. So I think for me that was. I mean, it was definitely one of my goals and I feel like I accomplished that and I’m still learning to incorporate that into my day to day life.
But it really did help with, I mean as I said, I haven’t had a migraine since I came back. I’m almost looking forward to having a migraine so that I can try the different, you know, like for example, with the DMT session that we did, and that was another kind of game changing experience.
I remember, I, you know, the day after our, our macro dose, or the day of our mini dose in the morning we went into town, we went into San Pancho to just walk around and, you know, do the touristy stuff. It was a hot humid day. I came back and I had a pretty bad migraine. Like it was kind of full blown.
We went back to the room and I was pretty much bedridden. I had taken my prescription medication. I had [00:34:00] taken my Tylenol, my Advil, but nothing was working. And I was like, I don’t know if I’m going to be ready for this minidose., I don’t know if this is going to be a good set for me to take it in or a state for me to take it in. But then my husband went and, and got Jessica and we tried the DMT, which had been offered as, you know if the psilocybin hadn’t had a significant effect.
Even my husband will still say, like, he’ll still tell people that that was the most eye opening experience for him during the retreat was to see me lay down one person and 10 minutes later, wake up a whole different person. The migraine was completely gone. I was, and I remember my first reaction was being pissed off. Cause I was like, you know, I could have been, this could have been a solution for me this entire time.
And nobody told me I was mad about it.
Tawnya: Oh my gosh. That is so funny.
Sara: So, yeah, I was, and I remember, you know, it was like when I got diagnosed with ADHD and my doctor put me on Adderall and I was mad about that too. I was like, you’re telling me, this is how other people feel all the [00:35:00] time.
Tawnya: I’ve suffered so long!
Sara: Yeah. Yeah. And, and with the DMT, that’s exactly how I felt. I was like, I’ve been on, I’ve done so many medications. I’ve gone to so many doctors, so many days of work or school missed and this could have been it. Could have been it ,like, it could have been 10 minutes of, of that.
And it’s over, you know, I was, I was really upset about it.
That’s been one of my biggest takeaways and it’s almost like, you know, I was telling you I’m excited to have another migraine so that I can test my theory and see how effectively that works.
I’m not generally an optimist. I’m prepared for it to only work some of the time. But even that, you know, having a success rate that’s higher and faster than a lot of prescription medications was a complete game changer for me.
Tawnya: Wow. Amazing. Yeah. Is there anything that you can say to people that may be on the fence about coming that are struggling with maybe some of the similar things that you have [00:36:00] been going through?
Sara: I would say do it. I, I mean, I don’t know what else there is to say. I think you know, do your due diligence, do the research that people need to do to help them feel better about an experience, but it is 100% what Eleusinia is offering is not something that I’ve seen anywhere else. You guys have the ability to establish that level of trust before people even get there.
And that in itself is huge. You know, if you’re going to a different country to do substances that you’ve never done before, it’s a terrifying experience. But knowing that, you know, you guys have that understanding of how it works on a physiological level, on a psychological level and helping people kind of accomplish what their goals are,
that has just been an invaluable experience to me. And also not just the experience of being at the retreat itself, but what you’ve taught us about navigating that for ourselves is not something that I’ve seen [00:37:00] other places do. And you know, a lot of just like the pharmaceutical industry is, you know, committed to providing things that are gonna keep you coming back.
Eleusinia is very much a you know, you’re not trying to get us to come back multiple times. I’m not gonna say no to it, but the idea is that people leave with the tools that they need to be able to use this medicine for themselves or navigate for themselves. That is not something that I think you can read about or watch YouTube videos to understand.
It’s really one of those things that you need sitters there to guide you and teach you how to navigate it for yourself. So I would say do it.
Tawnya: Ah, well, thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing everything that you’ve shared about all those layers of experience, the broadening of perspective, and then that interesting dialogue with the shift in language.
And I mean, there’s so much unfolding on physical [00:38:00] levels on emotional levels, and it is really hard to draw a picture of your experience because it feels like, you know, 20 different segments and then a whole different world to explain. So I appreciate you coming on so much.
Sara: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
It was really wonderful to talk to you again. And I hope this helps, this helps people kind of understand what their options are and, and you know where to go for them.
Tawnya: Yeah, yeah. And keep us posted on your next headache, please.
Sara: Definitely will do.
Tawnya: I don’t want you to suffer again, but I’m eager also to see how it works for your implementation.
Sara: Yep. It’s all a science experiment for me now.
Tawnya: Thank you all so much for listening. If you haven’t done so already, please rate this podcast on Apple Podcasts and leave a comment so this podcast can be found by others. Also, if you’re not already following us on Instagram, do it because [00:39:00] we’ve had so many amazing changes and we have so much going on here at Eleusinia we really want you guys to be able to follow along.
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