Kali is a single mother, an entrepreneur, and the proud owner of a successful insurance agency in Baltimore. By all outward measures, she had achieved what many people strive for: financial stability, independence, and professional success. Yet despite the security she had built, she felt an emptiness she could not ignore. As she put it, “Money gives us options, but it doesn’t fill what’s in our hearts.” Her search for deeper meaning and purpose led her into the world of psychedelics, but not without struggle, stigma, and heartbreak along the way.
Cultural Barriers and Stigma
Kali’s introduction to psychedelics did not come from her own community. As an African American woman, she explains, these conversations simply weren’t happening around her. In her words, “That’s not a conversation that in my culture, in the African American community, that we actually have. The only answer in my community has always been prayer.”
For Kali, faith is deeply important. She believes in God, goes to church, and finds power in prayer. But she also recognized the biblical principle that “faith without works is dead.” If God put plant medicines like mushrooms on Earth, perhaps they were placed here for a reason. Still, sharing this perspective with friends or family was risky. The stigma around psychedelics, especially within her community, was strong. She often kept quiet, aware that ignorance and misunderstanding could lead to judgment.
That silence is part of a larger story: the cultural and systemic barriers that prevent many people of color from even knowing psychedelic therapy exists. Kali’s first awareness came not from her community, but from a casual conversation with a colleague on a work trip who mentioned ayahuasca. Intrigued, she threw herself into research, convinced that this plant medicine might hold the missing piece of her spiritual journey.
The Ayahuasca Disappointment
In late 2023, Kali traveled to Costa Rica for a seven-day ayahuasca retreat. She wanted an environment where she could be comfortable, with air conditioning, good food, and a sense of safety. She was determined to give herself the best chance at transformation.
The reality was far different. The retreat hosted nearly fifty participants, and the ceremonies were impersonal. Her first night brought nothing but sickness. On the second night, she had a brief but powerful experience, realizing that she was carrying generational trauma in her womb, passed down from the women in her family. She cried deeply, grieving for the pain of those who came before her. But the insight was fleeting, and the following nights offered little more than frustration.
Her final night at the retreat turned devastating. Unexpectedly, Kali began spotting, despite having an IUD that prevented regular cycles. In that cultural setting, menstruation was considered disruptive to the ceremony. Instead of being supported, she was banished. Her mat was carried outside, and she was left under a tree for the rest of the night, unable to return. It was supposed to be the most profound ceremony, stretching until dawn. Instead, she was alone, humiliated, and heartbroken.
“I felt like I spent all this money, did all this preparation, told all these people about it, and now I had nothing to show. I was devastated.”
When she returned home, the disappointment sank deeper. She spiraled into depression, haunted by the retreat’s claim that 97% of participants found miracles. She could not escape the thought that she was part of the 3% who didn’t. “Nothing works for me,” she told herself, echoing a painful theme that had appeared throughout her life.
Finding Eleusinia
Despite her heartbreak, Kali didn’t give up. Something in her believed that plant medicine could help her, even if ayahuasca had not. When she discovered Eleusinia, something clicked. She described it as intuition: “I just knew.” The science-based approach, the smaller groups, and the warmth of the community drew her in. From the moment she arrived and was welcomed by staff waving and smiling, she felt she was in the right place.
At Eleusinia, her experience was carefully personalized. Staff took into account her history of needing higher doses, her sensitivity to generational trauma, and her anxiety. Unlike the one-size-fits-all approach of her ayahuasca retreat, Eleusinia built a plan around her. For Kali, the difference was profound. She felt seen, supported, and cared for.
Moving Forward with Purpose
Kali’s time at Eleusinia didn’t just provide moments of joy and healing, it gave her a sense of mission. She reconnected with her late mother, reflected on the significance of her name, and realized that her calling was to help women—especially African American and brown women—face depression and emotional struggles in cultures that often silence them. She is now working on a masterclass to open these conversations and offer guidance.
Her journey is a testament to resilience. From stigma to exclusion, from heartbreak to empowerment, Kali shows what it means to keep searching for healing even when the first doors close.
Listen to Kali’s Full Story
Kali shares her story in her own words in this episode of the Eleusinia Podcast. Out of respect for privacy, pseudonyms are often used, and interviews are conducted weeks or months after guests return home, never on location. The podcast is audio-only, but we encourage you to listen to hear Kali’s courage and wisdom in her own voice.
Her story reminds us that healing is rarely straightforward, but when given the right support and setting, it is always possible.
Listen to the full episode here.
